One Full Month of Life in the Future.

Today we voted against staying in the apartment and decided to hit up old downtown. We grabbed the bus we thought would most probably get us there (48) and headed on out. Having no concept of how far it might be or any idea of what we were looking for, you'd probably consider this quite the risky maneuver. Add in our inability to communicate effectively or read Korean and you've got an equation that leads to potential fun. Risky? Maybe. But why not?

Old Downtown? We didn't find it, but, as tends to happen, we found something pretty great instead. The U Culture Complex was the closest thing we've found to a mall all month. Who even knew it was there? This is where you can find the imax movie theatre, Coldstone Creamery, american makeup, Dior, and, yes, the TGIFridays. Nachos!

We wandered around for a few hours instead of trying to figure out the movie ticket machine. We tried it out. No go. As we headed back to the bus stop we saw a vending machine with all kinds of crazy new things to try. Jenn went for Grapé Juice and I took a shot in the dark and went for Pine Bud Drink. Pine? Oh, man, this is gonna taste just like Christmas!! I could hardly contain my excitement long enough to take a picture of it before popping the can open and having a taste. Yup. Just like Christmas. That is, if Christmas involved tree licking. I might've drank the blood of a tree. GROSS. Lesson learned. Pine Bud Drink = no es bueno. We caught the bus successfully and headed on home.


So, Ladies and Gentlemen, here we are. We have reached the end of Month One here in the Future. Thirty one days of crazy cake fun and surprises rockin down in KTown.

Let's sum it up a bit, now. We arrived, met the teachers, lived with the bosses, went to school, became teachers, befriended Koreans, figured out the bus route to school, and learned how to say "Thank you" (kahm sah hahm nee dah), "I'm sorry" (me en ham nee dah), "good bye" (anyung hee keh seh yo) and Pig Meat (Dewedgi gogi).

THEN, we got an apartment, Jenn got a bed, Jenn got a chest of drawers. Erin is furniture-less and sleeping at the foot of Jenn's bed. No, not really. I am a human. She's graciously offered halvsies on her bed til my guy shows up.

I eat spicy ramen everyday, because it's the only thing I never mess up and drink 2L of green tea a day. Apparently the water's not safe to drink. I boil it. It's safe enough.

That should bring us all up to speed.

Sooo, predictions for the upcoming 11 months? I feel a scolding coming late in the second month and a hiking trip early in the 3rd. The 4th and 5th will blend together as one with another 10kgs dropped and months 5,6 and 7 are going to be super tan. A Tokyo trip sometime in there too, and a Christmas spent without California.

By then, I'm sure we'll be tired of him anyway so no need to worry about it just yet.

Final thoughts on Month One in Korea? No biggie. This, I can do. Another 11? Bring it.

I Had Officially Borrowed California's Glass Half Broken.

April Fool's Bed Day is the worst. Hopes fall so hard, don't they? I'm not even surprised. No bed? Isn't it thursday? Well, gimme back my key, Narky.

I was late to work today cause I was just so sure that bed guy or Narky would be showing up to commence Bed Day. We get to work and hopes die as I open the door and see Narky sitting at the receptionists desk.

E: "Morning, Narky. Any word on the bed?"
N: "I just don't really know, the man hasn't called me yet?"

Why's that a question? Will he be calling later? Is there going to be a bed for me today or not? Did anyone actually buy me a bed or are we just waiting for Miami to throw in the towel so we can grab that one? Did he just say "maybe tomorrow"?

No need to worry I'll get my hopes up on that phrase. Last friday we heard "Maybe definitely you'll get beds tomorrow." Just a regular 'maybe' ? Meaningless. I'll bring it up again on Monday.

The day wasn't completely shot, of course. Ruby pops her head in at the end of the day. Ahh, but I do love those silver linings.

"I'll see you guys on Monday."

Wait. Is today Friday? Why did she say Monday? Is she taking the day off? Please God, let her be taking the day off.

"I'm going to the Philippines tomorrow."

SKIPPY. The bed? Who cares. No boss lady tomorrow! I handed California his broken glass back and grabbed my half full one. Not that Cali needed his back. Even he couldn't find anything to Debbie Down about that statement. There was silent cheering and mega fist pumping. Ahh... Fridays are already great, but this is... Unreal.

Yeah, That's Great and All... But, Like, Do I Get One, Too?

So Jenn's queen size bed shows up bright and early this morning at 11am. Bed day!!! It is taking this guy forever to set up this thing and there are significant chunks of time where I witnessed him sitting and staring at the bed frame. He'd lean forward and touch it, push it back a little, and then pretend to be doing something productive. By the time he's done I'm more than ready to see what kind of fun I've ended up with. He heads for the door and says something in korean. Sorry, buddy, try again. We ask about the second bed and were left with the impression he'd be coming back. Mostly cause he left the front door wide open. An hour later it's time for me to leave for work. The door's still open. I should just admit defeat here, but I leave still thinking he might come back with a comfy bed for this kid.

After Jenn shows up I decide to confront the boss ladies.

Me: "Hey, Ruby's Sister, I just had a question about the beds..."
RS: "Uhn." (that's Tarzan for "okay")
Me: "So Jenn's bed showed up this morning and its great. She's really happy with it."
RS: "Uhn." (Tarzan for "that's good")
Me: "But I was just wondering if, um, I would be getting a bed too, ooooor if we're sharing....?"
RS: "Uhn. I will ask Ruby. I think you're getting a bed. Maybe day after tomorrow."

Thanks a ton, Grunter, way to instill confidence. So Ruby comes to find me about 3 hours later.

"Grunter told me you were asking about a bed?" I quell the 'what of it?' that I could feel rising in the back of my throat and nod.
"Yeah, cause Jenn's bed is really great, but the delivery man didn't seem to know anything about a second bed."
"Uhn. Um. We forgot to buy yours. So Jennifer has hers already, right?"
"Yeah, she's got one now."
"Yeah and Grunter told you day after tomorrow?"
"Yes. Day after tomorrow. Sooo Thursday?
"Uhn. Cause we forgot to buy yours."

Bull. Shit. There's no way you forget that you have two teachers living in a two bedroom apartment and each teacher will need her own bed. I dont get it. New Guy's got a bed. Even Miss Honey had a bed. Is this really happening?

So I man up and ask her about the drawers I was promised. No worries, I was polite and not at all accusatory. She says yeah, they have a set of drawers right here in the school. Excellent. At least I'll have a place to unpack my stuff.

They haul it out of storage carry it outside the school and its beautiful. So what if it doesn't match anything. And its possible it's not big enough for all my stuff. C'est pas grave. It's mine.

"This is for Jennifer, because she needed a mirror." Whoa. Fistful of salt in my eye. So not only did I not get a bed, but I actually helped Jenn get a set of drawers for all the clothes she may one day have? Its not like the mirror is attached or anything. It could easily be separated. They agree to buy me one for my room. Yeah. I'm sure it'll match my bed. Matches it right now, dunnit?

They even spoke about getting Jenn a closet. Wow. Am I lower on the totem pole than Miss Honey? What the H is going on here?

They drop us off at EMart since its on the way and we had a ton of stuff to buy. I don't really mean a ton. I just needed to buy a blanket that's big enough to cover my shoulders and feet at the same time. I did. Its pretty freakin fantastic. I wasn't exactly in the mood to shop hard. I just can't seem to shake the feeling that they're doing this on purpose. No bed, no unpacking, no real classes. I'm two steps from being fired, aren't I?

We left the EMart and I've reached glass half empty. I'm ready to call home for a good sympathy chat. Under different circumstances, I would probably just crawl into bed and sleep it off, but...

The walk home was pretty great, though. Having no real sense of direction, I knew it wasn't going to be me getting us home safely. Jenn had an idea about how to go and we headed off in that general direction. I'm convinced we went in a couple of really big circles but since I can't read the stars yet, I can't be sure. However she did it, it got done. We walked home none the worse for wear with a mood much improved.

We crawl into bed and I start counting down the time til I can break my own room in.

This is My Nightmare.

So on the way out of the office yesterday, I saw the New Guy eyeing what used to be Miss Honey's desk, but had quickly become a free desk for whoever happened to grab it. Well, folks, it may not have been the most sensitive thing I've ever done, but I've been here for three weeks already and still only have a side of Jenn's desk. The first step to breaking out of the "Jenn's friend" typecast had to be the separation of my work space from hers. But how to do it tactfully. Being a tactful guy, Miami turns and says "Just walk by and put your books down. Just leave your books there and its done. Your desk." Yeah, thats tactful. Suck it, New Guy.

Seniority and all that. I hope Miss Honey's desk isn't cursed...

Four hours later, who should walk in? Mother Loving Miss Honey. Who is she looking at? This kid. I'm surprised I didn't bleed out with all the daggers she was shooting at me.

M.H.: Ruby just said that you two told her I had another job?

Even though the comment was directed at me and Jenn, I couldn't help but notice that she wasn't looking away. Since I had said no such thing and she had some seriously angry eyebrows I just sat and Blank Stared it up. Jenn took her cue.

J: No. She told us you were looking for another job.

They locked her out of her apartment because she was avoiding them. So she had to haul her butt back to the office to have someone let her into her place to get all her stuff back. A "heated discussion" ensued between HeadMistress, her sister, and Miss Honey and this kid headed off to class.

I get back just in time to hear Narky trying to convince Jenn that one of us needs to leave our laptop out and open on the living room table in the morning so that the internet guy can check the internet signal. It looked like Jenn was about to cave when she looked up at me to explain the situation. Not A Chance in HELL. I'm willing to risk a lot of things here in Korea, but not Mac Baby. He will NOT be at home on the living room table. He will be in school with me under my desk.

N: Its just to check the internet signal.
J: Uhhh... I don't know... um... I'll have to wait til Erin gets out of class and see if she wants to leave hers... Ah! Good you're here, Narky has something he wants to say to us.

Enter Erin.

N: One of you will leave your computer on the table so that the guy can install the internet and check the signal?
E: No. Absolutely not.
N: What?
E: No. I'm not leaving it at home.
N: Its okay. I'll be there so I can bring it to school with me after he checks it.
E: Not a chance. It comes with me.

Jenn, surprised that this deer in headlights could stand up and fight against Narky without fear of repercussion, finally found her voice and took over. She just kept saying "its my lifeline home, blah blah blah. Not that I can't trust you, but blah blah blah." I had no intention of EVER saying that. I don't trust him. He went into Miss Honey's apartment while she was at school one day and took pictures of all her medications so that the headmistress could look them up. He's a spy. He's a Nark. Leave Mac Baby with that? No way in Hockey sticks.

Another sour note, I just found out that The One lives in Seoul and I'm losing him in another month. HPGirl? She lives in Busan. They're actually next door neighbors right now in Gwangju. The neighbor thing is actually super convenient. They're both incredibly competitive and work their butts off to hand in their homework with the fewest mistakes. Nothing wrong with a little harmless competition, right?

But what am I going to do? I lose all my favorites on March 1.


Anyways, I got my medical clearance form back today with a passing score. As of last week, I am 5'4" and 15 lbs lighter than when I got here 2 weeks before. Quelle surprise.... not like they were feeding us or anything.

ALSO. No tuberculosis. Guess those howler monkeys at the Baboon Sanctuary were TB free after all.


When we left, Ruby and Miss Honey were still duking it out. It was 10pm and we snuck out and took a bus. Is it really sneaking? I had been there since noon.

I half thought New Guy would stop us. Even though he lent me his "air mattress" I just can't shake the nark vibe.

Then I got the "air mattress" out and inflated it. BIG let down. Not an air mattress at all. Pas du freakin tout. Its one of those things campers roll out before they unfold their sleeping bags. Don't worry, mom, I'll thank him anyway. The thought and all that.

Saw it Coming

So Miss Honey got the ax today. They told her yesterday that she had until friday to get her stuff in gear and beat it, but around 3pm today they told her to clear out her desk and go. I, of course was in class, but the kids filled me in over the course of the day. The Mistress and her Sister already had it out for Miss Honey, but today she made a girl cry...?

Not having been there, I can't know the exact reason or provocation that led to this 7 year old ending up in tears, yet, but I feel like there are large pieces of the story missing. Ruby made sure to sit us all down in pairs and explain the reason Miss Honey lost her job and to explain that her, Ruby's, only fault in the whole thing was trusting this woman to come all the way to their school and be a good teacher. Ruby has, afterall, given her a number of chances and Miss Honey has failed every test.

I'll have to wait til a weekend, probably, to gather all the information from the other teachers about the exact order of today's events. Since they live with Nark, its pretty hard to have an open conversation with them unless we're all sitting in the same room outside the school.

While they were watching a real live Korean soap, I was sitting in a near perfect lesson with The One. Ten pages of homework, ladies and gentlemen, TEN. Approximately 200 questions and only 2 mistakes. Silly mistakes, too. He misread "women" as "woman" and used the wrong verb conjugation and then misspelled "starring." Thats it. In an effort to be modest, I won't take all the credit for that, but I'll go ahead and voice what we're all thinking. Erin is an english grammar teacher the likes of which Korea has never seen before.

Worth missing today's drama play out? I think so.


A new teacher arrived on sunday and has been running through his training in high speed since yesterday. He's occupying the room we only just vacated in the Kims' place which must be the reason why they moved us into an apartment without any furniture as well as the guiding force behind Miss Honey's untimely dismissal.

I believe Miss Honey had a hand in training her replacement, as well.

Sometimes When the Clouds Open Up, Its Okay.

I know some of you were worried all weekend. I left you hanging. "Is she in for the scolding of a lifetime?"

No, she is not! She rocks so hard that she got a new schedule. All those "Erin's" on friday? That was a fully satisfied parent explaining how totally miffed she was going to be if this headmistress even tried to hand her daughter over to another teacher. You hear that, Ruby? Two points for Erin.

Now I've got her 5 days a week for 90 minutes. Come on, its Harry Potter. Now I have back to back classes MWF with no lunch period. Huh. How on earth am I going to stay friendly now?

Anyways, to celebrate the stabilization of my job situation, we had the boys over for some Jenn made dinner. Tortilla espanola- Looks like an omelette, tastes like a beautiful day. I guess the boys agree, cause there were no leftovers.

Now that the boys have been over, this place is starting to seem pretty darn fabulous. They live with Narky and Madame Director drops in whenever she feels the need. She do that to us? No sirree. We live more than half an hour from them. So we have to take a 40 minute bus to school. C'est pas grave. That forty minutes is the best thing about this apartment. It cuts off weekend communication from the boss.

The worst thing? The spotty internet we are most definitely stealing from somewhere.

Sketchville, S. Korea.

Moving Day!!!

We were super bummed a few hours ago when we attempted to head out for some bangin indian food, only to be stopped by our Mistress's son. That kid is all kinds of shady. We walked quietly past the sleeping form on the sofa only half wondering if it'd moved since the night before and head towards the door. We make it out the door, put our shoes on and turn to see the miniKim through the window on the floor of the guest room with cellphone in hand. Suddenly the phone inside starts ringing and Mr. Kim runs through the door to stop us. So he called his dad, huh? Was that the plan last night, too?

Stop, he says, its moving day!
Moving day? Do we have time to get food? We're so hungry... no food all day...
Its moving day!!
Okay, but can we go get some food? Real quick?
They'll be here soon, moving day. New apartment today.
Yeah okay. Soooo, no time to eat...?

Thirty minutes later we've had enough. We're done with the not being fed nonsense. We decide to put our foot down. I was getting me some sushi.

Annnnd I ended up with ramen. Facing the wrath of his wife, Host Dad whips up some five minute ramen. We dig in just as Ruby walks in the door. I'm shoveling food into my mouth as fast as humanly possible- okay. As fast as 21 chews possible. SUCCESS.

Away we go.

MOVING DAY!!

......








Sooo. Here's the apartment, but where's the fully furnished? Where are the dishes, the silverware, the chairs? Oh, is this my bedroom? Yeah, its nice, but wheres the closet? No chest of drawers?

Where are the beds? Is beds part of the deal? (Yeah. I teach english.)

Bars on the windows? Thats alright I guess. Is it always this cold? No I'm not scared of my room. The bars mean safe, right?

They took us shopping so we could buy any necessities. We shopped up a storm.

My favorite item? The floor mat we bought for the living room. Its covered in all kinds of kiddy animals having fun.

The Monkey Mat: sure beats sleeping on the floor.